Bollywood Shollywood

Well well…this is not yet another post about the way Jodha wooed Akbar. This post is more on the line of the existing scenarios in Hindi movies where Jodha tried wooing Akbar and in sides, site adichifies Birbal and does matter with her ex-jaipuri boyfriend. That, in short is the current quality of movies we get to see nowadays in Bollywood.

Indian movie industry is about a hundred years old, evolving itself from the art of theatre. Though the glamour of the big screen has stolen the magic of dramas and theatres, they are yet to reach the standards of the latter. I, personally have become tired of watching movies which makes me hit myself against a wall by the end of it.

After a prolonged review of the movies that were released recently, the following list has been made for ambitious directors, who are in the process of wanting to make it big in Bollywood. I am sure the list is true to the best of my knowledge and has been certified by Abbas and Mustan who were one of the pioneers of initiating mind blowing trends like “Ajnabee” and the latest lackluster hit “Race”

Pre Requisites of Movies that you think will get the producer his box office earnings:

• No story, whatsoever- If at all the director starts thinking of a story, it should contain a minimum of one extra marital affair with the hero’s best friend or the even better, the hero’s driver
• The movie must have a minimum of 3 heroes, no matter how many heroines. The exception being Aamir khan and Sharukh Khan, though even they’ve initiated their own line of side kicks
• One sound track has to be remixed and must compulsorily also have a remixed video. Doesn’t matter if the song does not refer anything related to the actual screenplay
• An item number goes without saying. Skimpily clad girls running around the heroes while we sit squirming before the TV. The more firangi they look, the more we get to see
• If it’s going to be an action movie, the hero would ride the latest model Hayabusa or a Ferrari. This is irrespective of the fact that the hero is a mere police officer/porikki whose monthly income wouldn’t even fetch a maruti!!
• If the plan is to direct a family movie, the plot would start with a bungalow (remember…Bollywood families are never poor) having a huge Khandhan and preferably somewhere in a foreign location. Also, the heroine needs to be a 'Pati-vrata'. That would just about add to the family content of the movie!!
• The worst case scenario is the so called family entertainers/ comedy movies. I really wonder where the directors get their script writers from. Invariably, we end up beating our head with the finest of our chappals rather than laughing. The former activity is directly related to the effort of paying for a ticket to watch a pointless, idiotic and cheap movie.
• Brownie points if the movie has an English title.

The interest in me going to a theater has been so bad that it’s been 7 years since I’ve been to one and that too, to watch a Hindi movie. If I were to make a list of movies for which I actually took an effort to rent a DVD, it would be just 3 movies for the last year.

• Johnny Gaddar – Awesome screenplay. Never took my eyes off the screen for even a second. Kudos to Neil Mukesh for a shana performance
• Bheja Fry- Though it didn’t have much of a storyline, the script made us forget it. Loved Vinay Pathak’s characterisation
• Taare Zameen Parr- Creativity at its best. One of those rare heartfelt movies that has been ever made.
  

What has happened to the quality entertainers we used to see!! Though I couldn’t bear to see another ‘Hum Aapke Hain Kaun’, but at least the songs were worth listening. Wish I could get back the good old movies where the songs were crafted for the story and characters were portrayed with the essence still intact. The movie lover in me still waits for the good old days. Is it worth waiting??? Though this trend hasn’t yet traveled to the rest of the Indian movie scenario, I am sure the day is not too far off.

Signing off,

One crazy movie buff

Maami from C.Pettai